


The Easy Way Out

by MomoStark



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: M/M, Prequel, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1738502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MomoStark/pseuds/MomoStark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kieren Walker found out about Rick Macy's death. He even went to his lover's funeral. It doesn't take long for Kieren to feel as though there isn't anything that life can offer. The only way he can deal with coping his lover's death is to kill himself so that he can make the depression stop. So that maybe he'll be reunited with Rick in the afterlife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Easy Way Out

Kieren Walker had gotten the news. It didn’t take long for it to reach him. His entire body and soul felt numb from what he had just heard. Rick Macy was dead. All of their plans to leave the little village of Roarton all went to Hell when Rick left Kieran in the first place to join the army. At least he was invited to his own lover’s funeral, whether or not Rick’s parents were aware of what Kieren was to Rick didn’t matter. Not anymore.

Of course Kieren knew that something terrible could happen to Rick while he was touring in Afghanistan. Except, he didn’t expect Rick to die in such a horrible way. He stood there and watched people say words, whether they were empty or not, he couldn’t tell. There were so many feelings that Kieren couldn’t understand. All that he could do was simply make his hands into tight fists. He was upset that Rick had left him alone in this world, he was mad that they couldn’t recover the body. So, here they were mourning an empty grave.

Kieren couldn’t take the funeral anymore. Sure, he was going to an art school with a full scholarship. Right now, that didn’t matter to Kieren. Nothing mattered to him anymore. His lover was gone. Snatched away before they could even learn how to live. Feeling sick to his stomach, he left the funeral. Normally it didn’t take too long for him to get back to his house. Today wasn’t like that. Kieren’s mind was muddled with many thoughts. Thoughts that he could barely hear, they were all loud, and whether they were angry or depressing thoughts, Kieren wasn’t sure. All he knew was that his lover Rick Macy was dead—and he wasn’t coming back. The dead couldn’t come back, not like they did in the movies.

He didn’t know how long it took him to come home. All he knew was that his family was right there for him. Holding him as his tears tried to escape his eyes. He loved his family, but he felt so numb. He wanted to be comforted, but he felt as though he couldn’t feel anything.

 

Turning in early for the night, Kieren found himself not being able to sleep. His mind kept going in places that weren’t healthy for a mind. Except, he wasn’t in a happy state of mind. He didn’t want to live anymore. Not like this, if it meant living without Rick, then he felt as though there was no way that he would be able to find love again. Rick was the only person who was there for him. They both weren’t fond of Roarton, they were going to go someplace else that was much better than here.

His eyes began to create more tears. Unwanted, but yet they were necessary. It meant that he was human. That he was normal to be grieving a lover’s death. He had heard that phrase: “there are more fish in the sea” but were there more Kieren? Anxiety grew within him. There was no way he was going to be able to go to art school while knowing Rick wouldn’t be back at the apartment asking him how his classes were.

If only Rick had sent a letter to Kieren, letting him know that everything was all right. What it was like to be in the military, and the friends that Rick had gained.

Nothing like that happened. Not a single letter came. Kieren knew that he wrote letters to Rick. Why didn’t he write back?

Grabbing his pillow Kieren yelled into his pillow and cried. It felt so good to let out his emotions, but he felt as if they weren’t ever going to leave him. Nothing was going to ever be the same.

 

He didn’t sleep that night. When he heard his family eating breakfast he headed down the stairs. Kieren tried to smile, but he knew that even though he tried to fight the tears he didn’t have the strength. He had no idea how hard it was to lose someone he loved. It hurt so much, that it was unbearable.

Sitting down he grabbed some food, as his younger sister Jem went to school. He said goodbye as she kissed him on the cheek saying, “I’m sorry,” she knew that it probably wasn’t going to help, but at least there was comfort in her voice. Kieren could only muster a nod and she went off to school.  
Quickly finishing off his food he simply sat on the chair and watched the television. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but he simply waited for his parents to go to work, or to simply go somewhere. So that he could have the house alone.

Time goes at a different pace when you’re depressed. Sometimes it goes quickly or sometimes it goes so slowly it feels like you’re about to crush under the weight of the entire world. 

Hearing the door shut behind his father. Kieren knew that that was the last person to leave the house. Kieren was alone. Making sure that the Swiss Army knife was in his pocket he left the house. He didn’t leave a note saying where he was going, or when he’ll be back. Some part of him didn’t want to be found.

Kieren didn’t look at anyone as he walked. He wanted to go to a quiet place to rest. A quiet place for him to die, he made his way to the cave, where so many great things happened with Rick. A place where maybe, Rick is alive, maybe in memories but at least he would be there. Sitting down he stared at the graffiti the two left. “REN + RICK 4EVER”

Fighting back tears Kieren whispered, “I miss you so much.” He wanted to say so much more, but he couldn’t say anymore. Grabbing the knife that he got on his birthday he smiled at the writing.

This was to be his final resting place. He just hoped that his parents would listen to his wishes about cremation. That way he could be spread about and his body wouldn’t have to be in one place. He could be here, if they wanted to leave just a pinch of ash here. He wouldn’t mind that at all.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he looked at his wrists and knew how to do it. He dug into his arm vertically, so close to the vein he knew that it would work. He bit back in pain, for the first time in a few days he felt something other than anger and sadness. He couldn’t help but feel exhilarated by knowing he didn’t lose the rest of his emotions, or physical senses that dealt with touch.

Panting he knew that if he just did one wrist it would take longer for him to die. Kieren didn’t even bother cleaning of the knife. It was his blood anyways, there was nothing to worry, and there was no way he was going to live through this.

There was nothing holding him back now. He stabbed himself in the same area as he had with his other wrist. He made sure that the cut was deep just like the other one. His body soon grew weak and the knife fell from his hand. He felt wet, but he knew that it was from his blood. His eyelashes fluttered and he knew that this was going to be the end of his life. He wasn’t going to go to the afterlife alone though, there was already someone waiting on the other side.

 

It had been days since the Walkers heard anything from their son. It was unlike him to disappear without saying anything. Jem could feel her family falling apart worrying over Kieren. They were searching for them, and her father had been talked out of involving the police. She didn’t understand why her father didn’t go along with it. Kieren was a missing person now; he hadn’t been home in the past 48 hours.

They were going on the fourth day they hadn’t heard a thing from Kieren. She could tell that her family was giving up. Except she hadn’t, just like them whenever she could, she looked everywhere for her older brother. The only place she hadn’t gone yet was the cave.

Walking into the kitchen she saw her father slumped in the chair. The somewhat goofy man that was her father was disappearing. This man was falling apart by the threads. “Dad, have you checked the cave?” her voice was a whisper. However, the man jerked up as if life had been renewed in him.

The man quickly jumped up kissed his daughter on the forehead, grabbed his coat, and a flashlight and ran to the cave.

 

Steve Walker ran the entire way to the cave. His body told him that he was too old to be doing something like this, but adrenaline was pumping through him, he didn’t even stop to catch his breath as he entered the cave.

He saw a body sitting there; sighing in relief he realized that it was his son. Although something was wrong, it had become clearer as he got closer to his son; rather his son’s body. There was so much blood. So much of his son’s blood, it was everywhere. Steve was in shock. He looked for what his son used to kill himself. He didn’t have to look far. It was the Swiss Army knife that he had given the boy as a gift.

Carrying his son, almost cradling the eighteen-year-old boy, Steve couldn’t help but sob. He ran, and he ran. Steve knew that no hospital was going to help. Kieren was already dead. Instead of going to the hospital Steve Walker ran back to his house.

 

Opening up the door with his son in his arms, Steve saw his wife and his daughter. It was all too much for him to handle. He didn’t get far into the house as he crumbled to his knees holding Kieren close to his head. Kissing the only son he had. His wife and his daughter where there holding Steve and Kieren both as they cried. They didn’t want this to happen. If only they knew how they could have stopped it.

If only Kieren had left a note. Maybe they could have stopped this travesty from ever happening.

 

The Walkers made the funeral happen soon, they didn’t want to wait too long. They all stood there at the funeral as they watched their son get put in the ground, despite their son wanting to be cremated. They just couldn’t bring themselves to destroy a body. Even though Steve was strong, Jem knew that he was crumbling on the inside.

As the Walker family walked back to their house, they held each other from then on.

 

Nothing could prepare them for what will happen on the 20th of December, not even a year later Kieren Walker amongst others will rise from the grave and have a second chance at life.

**Author's Note:**

> I have been meaning to write this ever since I saw the last episode of the first season. Since I was able to watch it again with some friends I have finally sat myself down and wrote it. This was really depressing to write, considering the show itself is an emotional roller coaster, I hope you get the same feelings from this as well.


End file.
